THE MOTHER-IN-LAW DAUGHTER-IN-LAW SYNDROME - CiteHR
To all those mother-in-laws who feel the need to control, manipulate, This mindset has started to change in India itself so please change than your relationship with daughter-in-law or her happiness in “her new family”?. However, sharing a good relationship with your in-laws is vital. For one, if you So, what do you do if your mom-in-law is possessive or bossy?. It is definitely complex. But being new to this experience myself (I am the MIL) I am learning as I go. My DIL is precious. The emotions that I feel from letting go of .
It's not just what she does or says but, more importantly, how your husband reacts to it. This is so because families can easily forgive their own family members, not an 'outsider' as you may still be perceived.
It wasn't easy being bullied and pushed into a corner," says Radha. Anjali suggests a solution she utilised. Share the details of your job with them so they feel involved in your life in every way, which could also help them be more empathetic towards you. How to divide chores Traditionally, housework isn't considered work -- only something a woman is required to do compulsorily. Thus, few people in the family appreciate what a woman does for the home or understands why she seems tired and irritable.
The timetable of a working mom can be choc-a-bloc. The hard work was intensified by the pressures of demanding in-laws and children, not to mention deadlines that had to be met at work," says Radha.
Obviously, the correct treatment is to reduce the burden on the working mother. Helping your working wife out with domestic chores and sharing the burden of parenting can really help," says Rishi Gupta, 29, who has a 5-year old son and shares as many responsibilities with his wife as he can.
Tied in knots: The problem with mothers-in-law in India
Setting boundaries Making a list of 'non-negotiables' can help a young couple deal with an extended family. We found that the best way to keep relations positive was to limit the number of visits we have with them and the time spent during those visits. Even though we felt bad about it initially, our relations have improved since then," says Manisha Thakur, Anjali adds, "Keeping personal topics out of bounds helps improve in-law relations too. My husband and I have a 'no-telling policy' when it comes to personal information that we feel can be used to control our lives.
We simply avoid discussing subjects about which they could form a strong opinion. Sometimes, this can make parents feel vulnerable and be on the defensive, even without provocation.
Sincerely focus on your relationship with your spouse and do whatever you can to strengthen your bond with him. And the architect of their misery was their mother-in-law. Economic liberalization policies over the last generation have created opportunities for women that their mothers never imagined: Article Continued Below Women are marrying later, too.
The average age of marriage is 22, compared with 17 in the s.
Handling in-laws: The wife's perspective
But as far as Venugopal is concerned, social progress has not extended to the relationship between women and their mothers-in-law, often called mummyji. The dynamic remains stuck in the Mughal era. It is a widespread problem, although statistics and studies tend to focus on spousal abuse, says Nandita Bhatla, a senior technical specialist at the International Center for Research on Women in Delhi.
For example, in a recent countrywide government survey, 37 per cent of married women reported they had experienced violence at the hands of their husbands, she says.
- THE MOTHER-IN-LAW DAUGHTER-IN-LAW SYNDROME
- A Daughter-in-Law’s Letter About Conflict to Her Mother-In-Law
But the private sphere, the home, is just as contested a battleground, although the dramas are played out behind closed doors. Not every mother-in-law is an ogre but it is rarely an easy, affectionate relationship, she says. About five years ago, television tapped into this curious strain of modern life when the first soap operas centring on the relationship began appearing.
The Times of India newspaper recently gave a plot summary of one of the most popularGustaskh Dil: Last May, it sentenced a man to five years in jail for torturing his wife, who committed suicide.
How to tackle your mother-in-law - Times of India
Roots of repression A generation ago it was simpler. The older woman would decide what the younger woman wore only saris or shalwar kameez and if she could work outside the home.
She was expected to cook for the entire family, clean and bear children. If a bride dared to object to the unfairness, her only choice was to return to her parents — who would often force her to return to her husband. But parents today, particularly in cities, are raising their girls to be independent; they encourage education and allow them to wear jeans and sleeveless dresses.
But when their sons get married, parents want a stereotypical bride from a Bollywood film circachaste and subservient. The two sides clash when the modern woman with the postgraduate degree refuses to sign up for lifetime of flipping chapatis in the kitchen under the critical gaze of her mother-in-law. Once home, you can take it off and go back to living like it was Marital rape, for example, is legal unless the wife is under the age of 15 or the couple is separated, says Bhatla.
Why tensions are soaring in Mother (in-law) India
Last year, a campaign failed to pressure the government to ban marital rape totally. Venugopal recounts the story of Payal, a wealthy young woman who fell in love with Parag, the son of a rich Gujarati Jain family with a house in tony South Mumbai.
Her mother-in-law wielded power by refusing to allow the couple to build their own kitchen in the sprawling complex, forcing everyone to eat every meal together. These gatherings became occasions to criticize Payal for what she ate, for wearing jeans and partying late.